How Do Photographers Handle Shy or Fussy Children?

When a kid walks into my studio and immediately hides behind their mom’s leg, I see the same look cross the parent’s face every time. It’s the face that tells me they’re in their head running through the math about the outfits they bought, the morning they blocked off or took off from work, and how many seconds are left before their child smiles or the whole session, in their mind, falls apart. I understand that math because I’m a mom too. I know the pressure that builds when you’ve spent money and energy on something you desperately want to go well.

But the reason I can stay entirely calm in that moment is because I am an expert with 20+ experience under my belt and I know that a shy or fussy kid won’t be the end-all-be-all of the session being a complete failure. It’s the family session starting exactly as most sessions do; with a kiddo who just needs a minute to know that they are safe, Mom and Dad are closeby, and this is going to be fun!

Here is exactly how I handle a camera-shy child during my family photo sessions. 

Quick Summary for Stressed Parents Worried Their Kids Won’t Smile During Our Photo Session

• Ren Lenhof’s Golden Rule: A shy or fussy child doesn’t automatically mean the photo session is a complete failure
• My Signature Strategy: As a photographer I build trust by giving kids space, taking regular snack breaks, and redirecting parent anxiety into fun, physical actions
• My Ultimate Goal When it Comes to Family Photos: Authentic memories are way better than curated “perfection”

What I Want Every Parent Who Works With Me to Know

When a parent apologizes to me because they think their kid ruined the session, the thing I really want them to hear is that I love the chaos and I love the realness of it. I have no interest in staging or curating fake moments for your family, because honestly that would feel like an insult to how you already are together. You know how to love your kids, you do it every single day with no camera anywhere near you, so my whole job is to stay out of the way of something you’re already incredible at and have my shutter ready the second it happens.

The tight snuggle into mom’s side, the nervous little face buried in a shoulder, the wild belly laugh during a messy snack break, those are exactly what I’m there for, and they matter every bit as much as the posed shots because they’re the only ones that will still feel completely true to you in twenty years, after you’ve forgotten the outfits and the stressful morning and you remember exactly who your kid was at that age.

Step 1: I “Ignore” the Child and Talk to the Parent First

When a kid comes into the studio already shut down, the worst thing I could do is crouch down and get right in their face. A stranger making sudden, direct abrupt eye contact is the exact thing that would set anyone into a tizzy. You wouldnt approach a doggy like that, so why would you do it to a little kid? I give kids physical space and start talking to their parents instead of focusing in and putting the spotlight on them. Now, there’s actually a psychological reason this works perfectly, I’m not making this up it’s called Borrowed Trust and it is when a child reads safety off their parent’s body language. And, when they see mommy relaxed, chatting, and laughing with this new person, and they think, “Mommy knows her. Mommy trusts her. This new place is okay.”

Once I’ve earned a little of that borrowed trust, I go in and chat about something; such as whatever they’re excited to be wearing. So, if a little girl has sparkly heels on, I’ll tell her those shoes look like they were built for twirling and ask if she can show me a spin. If a boy is in sneakers, I’ll ask if those are his “fast shoes” and bet him he can’t run from one end of the room to the other. By talking about their shoes I am making our very first interaction a “quick win” instead of a stressful request to “perform” for my camera. Confidence is the number one thing that unlocks those real smiles, and I help build kiddos’ confidence by stacking little wins. 🙂

Shy vs. Dysregulated: Knowing What Your Child Needs

One perk of hiring someone for your family photos that has a family themselves and understands kids!!

I’ve know the difference between my own child needing a moment to warm up and my child being hungry, overtired, and past the point of no return.

A shy kid and a genuinely dysregulated kid can look identical for the first ten minutes. Being a mom is what lets me tell them apart.

A shy kid needs time, space, and a few easy wins. But, a dysregulated kid needs their physical body taken care of before we ask them to participate in anything else. I encourage  every family to bring snacks and water and I treat snack breaks as an intentional part of the photo shoot plan rather than an annoying interruption. A fed and hydrated kid is a kid who can eventually participate; a hungry/hangry/tired kiddo simply can’t, no matter how good my funny faces are. 😉

What We Do While Your Child Recharges

While the kid takes a break, I’ll pull the parents aside and shoot a few frames of just the two of them. This keeps my camera moving and completely removes the burning spotlight from the child. Sometimes, I’ll suggest we all just hold hands and take a walk together. If the child just wants to climb into mom’s arms and snuggle, I let that happen because that moment is real life and real life is exactly what I’m there to capture!

Some of my absolute favorite photographs of my own son, Lake, are the ones where he was nervous in a new place, buried his face in my shoulder, and just held on. I will treasure those for the rest of my life because they are true, and because they are him at that exact age, feeling that specific emotion . When a kid does that during a session, I’m not waiting it out so I can get to the “good stuff.” I’m already shooting the good stuff… it’s happening right that second!

How I Manage the Parents

Most parents aren’t trying to sabotage a photo session. They’re trying to help. They just don’t know what helpful looks like in a studio setting, so they default to what they’ve seen others do: barking “smile!”, “look at the camera!”, and “be good!” until the kid feels intensely watched and clamps up. I head this off before I start snapping by saying:

“You don’t have to get anyone to smile for me. I actually don’t want you working that hard! Just stay close, love on them, and let me be the weird one making noises behind the camera.”

Panic sets in when Moms start feeling useless, so I replace that anxiety with a clear, active role. I’ll ask a parent to tickle, to whisper something ridiculous, to toss the kid in the air, or to look at their child like they’re the funniest person alive. A parent doing those things produces a genuine reaction I can catch; a parent commanding a smile produces a flinch.

How I Handle Different Situations to Keep the Smiles Coming!

When a kid is melting down and a parent is mortified, the most useful asset I own is my own confidence. I will tell them: “This is completely normal. I’m not worried at all. I’ve photographed this age a thousand times, and this isn’t ruining a single thing.” It helps calms parents more than anything else because it erases their deepest fear: that I am secretly judging them. The line I keep in my back pocket for the entire session is simple: “The calmer we are, the safer they feel. Let’s just lower the temperature for a minute.”

• When a parent starts in with the smile “commands” I’ll redirect by saying, “Don’t worry about the smiles, I’ll get those! You just snuggle right in.”
• When the bribing starts—which usually sounds like “if you smile you get candy”—I step in gently: “Let’s keep the candy out of the contract for now! Can you scoop him up instead and whisper something silly in his ear?”
•  If a parent is hovering out of anxiety, I’ll have them stand directly behind me so the kid looks toward my lens while looking at them. I’ll ask them not to coach, just to beam at their kid like they’re doing an amazing job.
• The hardest version is the parent who gets tense and starts correcting every movement. Children feel that tension instantly. When that happens, I pause and say warmly, “Nobody’s in trouble! We’re just going to do a quick reset.” Then I give the parent a physical instruction, like pulling the kid into a tight hug and rocking side to side. A tense parent needs a physical action more than they need a verbal direction.

Get to Know Your Photographer: Ren Lenhof

Most photographers lead with, “I picked up a camera at 16. I’ve always been artistic and I studied visual arts in college.” #yaddayadda

Cute, but when you’re looking for the best family photographer in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, you deserve to know what all that talent & experience will actually do for you.

You should get gorgeous photographs, enjoy being in them, and trust that someone knows exactly what to do when your toddler has an entirely different agenda.

Hi! I’m Ren Lenhof, wife, mother & founder of Studio 29 Photography. Of everything I’ve accomplished in my life, nothing will ever hold a candle to raising my son. He is the sunshine in my life, and being his mother is the most fun I’ve ever had.

Motherhood made this work more personal. Nearly two decades of photographing families made me ridiculously good at it. I know your one-year-old won’t look like this next Tuesday, and your seven-year-old is already halfway to eight…teen, which seems wildly inappropriate. I also know how to read your kids, find gorgeous light, dress everyone beautifully, get your husband comfortable, and catch the split-second moment when your son wraps his entire hand around one of your fingers.

My job as a family photographer is to notice what you’ll miss someday while making the experience easy enough for you to enjoy today.

Your children don’t need to perform, behave perfectly, or recreate some Pinterest family that has nothing to do with yours. I can guide a session through the chaos, stay completely calm, and recognize a gorgeous photograph while everyone else is still concerned about whether the toddler is cooperating.

That’s what my Signature Studio 29 family session experience gives you! You can stop monitoring everyone & wondering whether we “got anything good,” because I know what I’m looking for and how to photograph it.

My team will help you prep for your session, I will help you choose what everyone wears, and then my team of designers will help you choose which portraits belong on your walls, and how your photographs come together in an heirloom album. Your framed portraits arrive at your doorstep ready to hang, instead of becoming another project you’ll get to eventually!

I want your children to grow up seeing themselves loved all over their home. I want fingerprints on your album, and I want you to look at a photograph ten years from now and remember exactly how your son fit into your arms when he was two.

You’re trusting me with something you cannot recreate later. I take that seriously, and I want you to expect exceptional work.

If you’re a millennial mother who values photography & wants your family memories thoughtfully handled from start to finish, this is the experience I created for you. Book your family session with Studio 29 Photography, and let me take it from here.